- Be clear in your mind about what you want to accomplish before you send the email (e.g., you would like him/her to keep the kids an extra day…).
- Be direct, but polite; don’t try to be tricky.
- Start with a salutation. It doesn’t have to be formal: “Hi” and your Co-Parent’s name is fine.
- End with a closing: e.g., “Thanks for considering this” and sign your name.
- Don’t use capital letters except for proper nouns or the first letter of a sentence. CAPITALIZED WORDS IN EMAILS ARE EASILY INTERPRETED AS SHOUTING.
- Similarly, don’t use multiple exclamation points!!!!! or question marks???? – Both come across as being aggressive.
- Stick to the necessary facts and your real question. Don’t use email to deliver a lecture, commentary, advice or instruction – unless the instruction has been specifically requested.
- If a request is made of you in an email and you are saying “No,” you don’t have to give excuses, lengthy reasons, or say why you think the request is out of line. It is enough to say, “I am sorry but I can’t help you out this time” – always accompanied by a salutation and civil closing.
- If a time limit for the response is needed, put it in your email, but don’t ask or expect that it be immediate. Give at least 24 hours; the more time you can give, the better. (And don’t follow up with capitalized exclamatory requests for a response. You know s/he is going to get great satisfaction from hitting the “Delete” button.)
- Don’t send or reply to emails in haste, unless it is a legitimate emergency – that is, someone’s health or life is in danger. Take as much time as possible before you hit the “Send” button. If there is the remotest possibility that you have not said what you want to say in a civil and respectful tone, send it to yourself first. Look at it the next day and make sure it says exactly what you want in a civil and respectful way.
- Respond to all emails you receive within 24 hours, even if only to acknowledge receipt. If you are not able to answer a question, reply and let your co-parent know when you will have a response.
- One trick is to respond to the email the way it should have been written (politely, unemotionally), rather than how it was actually written.
- Remember BIFF: brief, informative, friendly, firm.
